Home
by ashlice
Summary: And suddenly, the fragile air breaks. She breaks. Her hands find her face, and sobs begin to escape. She's crying, and he thinks it's the saddest sound he's ever heard. - A story of coming home, and trying to remember why you ever loved it. Peeta/Katniss.
1. Homecoming

**_A/N - _**_Hello again! It's been so long. It felt so wonderful to actually have to time to write something again. Before I get tons of questions about the stories I still have going, I'm going to say that if you read any of my other unfinished stories, skip to the bottom for my note on that, as I do not want to get into the spiel and turn readers off to this story. Now, I've realized that I love one-shots, reading and writing them, much more than I love multi-chapter fics. I finally caved into all the hype, and read the entire Hunger Games series in a span of one week. Guys, I'm in love. And I don't want to sound like I'm just buying into a fad, but I have to say what really made me keep reading was Peeta, and just how much he loved Katniss so selflessly the entire series. I had to write this, I just had to._

_After I finished Mockingjay, I realized that I felt like the last couple of pages were rushed. I loved the ending, but we didn't really get to see Peeta and Katniss work up to that final scene before the epilogue. So I wrote this, to kind of make up for it. It takes place a week after Peeta returns home, probably a short while before the wonderful "real or not real" scene at the end. Enjoy!_

He watches her carefully, because he's still not sure what he wants to happen. Lately, all he's been doing is watching her carefully. He runs one hand through his hair, which he is sure will never be neat and orderly after the months of war and chaos he has endured. He's got so much to say, and no way to say it. For someone who's words are his most powerful weapon, Peeta Mellark is officially speechless.

"Are you ever going to say something?" She finally asks, after a few days have been spent in this fashion. Almost a week has passed since he's returned home, returned back to her, and nothing but a few words in passing have been exchanged between them. She's not looking at him though, and he's sure that it's because she's scared of what she'll see.

"Katniss." He's mad that that is all he can muster. Her name. What was the point? Why is talking the most difficult thing now? Maybe because over the last two years he's learned just how dangerous words can be.

"You're going to have to give me more than that Peeta." She looks around her kitchen, stares out the window, even fidgets a little, which is something that he knew she didn't like other people doing. But, he also knew she was desperate to look at anything but him.

"So look at me, and maybe I will." The words come tumbling out, before he can really think about them. He never used to think about words, they would just come. Everything was different now.

Katniss turns her head, looks at him steadily. Her gaze is strong, and she holds him trapped for a few silent moments. Her composure is wonderful, as it once was before the Games. He can't keep her waiting any longer.

"Why are you here?" she finally asks.

"Because you're here."

And suddenly, the fragile air breaks. She breaks. Her hands find her face, and sobs begin to escape. She's crying, and he thinks it's the saddest sound he's ever heard.

Before he knows what he's doing, he's out of his chair, arms around her. He takes her hands away from her face, gets a good look at the tears that are streaming, no end in sight. He brushes the stray hairs away from her face.

"Please don't cry. We don't have to be sad anymore." He says quietly.

"What is there to be happy about?" It's a question that he knows she must ask herself every day.

"Well, let's start with the small things and work our way up, okay?" She nods her head, tears still falling. Her bottom lip is quivering and she's still shaking, but he knows that she's listening to his every word.

"Well, we had some good bread this morning. I'm happy about that." He smiles when she rolls her eyes at him. "Ah, the eye roll. That's my girl." Rosy blush stains her cheeks at these words. She's embarrassed. He decides to keep going. "Haymitch didn't vomit once while he was here last night."

"Actually, he did once he was out the door." She corrects him.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Like I said, he didn't do it here. No mess to clean." He pauses, wondering if he should jump to a big thing. "We're here together."

All traces of humor, no matter how little, have left her face. She's stopped crying, but he's so close to her face that he can see some tears are still caught in her dark eyelashes. She tries to blink them away, her cheeks growing pinker. He reaches out to cup the side of her face, the area where she's blushing makes his hand warm.

"Haymitch once told me that I could live a thousand lifetimes, and still never deserve you." She says, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Well, Haymitch is a crazy drunk. It's not true, alright Katniss?" He slides his hand to the back of her neck, bringing their foreheads to touch.

"No, it is true. He was wrong about a lot of things, but he was never wrong about you. He knew from the start that this was unbalanced, that you'd fallen into the wrong girl's lap. And for that, I'm sorry." Her breath is hot on his face, the left over tears still clinging to her lashes.

At these words, he tumbles back, falling on his backside, peals of laughter escaping him.

"You think this is funny?" She asks, standing up, trying to reach her full height. She's angry, and he can see it in her pale gray eyes, in her stiff posture. For a second, he sees the old Katniss, from the arena. For a second, he is terrified. He can't explain it, these moments. Flashes of his horrific tracker jacker delusions flood his head, but as quickly as they come, they fade. He knows that soon enough they won't come as often. It only takes a second for the moment to pass, for his laughter to resume.

"Katniss, don't be so silly. Help me up." He raises a hand, hoping she'll take it. She gives him one long look, still angry and embarrassed at his laughter.

"It's not funny Peeta." She practically hisses before helping him up.

He takes a step closer to her, sees her stiffen even more. His lips part in a smile, as he continues to move closer. Before she has time to register what he's doing, he wraps her up in the tightest hug he's sure she's ever gotten.

"Listen to me, okay? I'm not going to say this again Katniss." He says fiercely in her ear, still holding her. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Normal people, they're terrified to be reaped. All I could think when they called my name was thank goodness my last few days alive would be with you. I'm not complaining that I 'fell into your lap.'"

She doesn't break away from the hug, but instead holds him tighter. "How do you remember all of that?" He can hear the shock in her voice.

"Little things come back to me sometimes. That look you gave me when I laughed at you, I've seen it so many times over the years. I admired you for all that strength that you had. That you still have. I can remember it whenever you look at me like that." He pulls away slightly, so he can look at her face. Her eyes are shining, fresh tears about to spill over.

"You think too highly of me. I'm selfish beyond belief." He can see that it's hard for her to get the words out, she's scared to say anything.

"That may be true, Katniss Everdeen. But it's not like I've been so selfless all this time." He grins from ear to ear, leans in to kiss her forehead. Her breath catches at the intimate contact. "Can we be happy together?" He asks her. He can feel her heartbeat quicken, sees the confusion cloud her eyes.

"Together?" She asks slowly, drawing out the syllables.

"Together." He repeats, smiling, because he knows that she remembers the last time they spoke these words to each other.

Her brow furrows slightly, confusion still on her face.

"What's wrong?" He asks. He notices that they are still holding each other. He can feel her warmth, and it makes him pull her in.

"What do you mean by together?" She asks. Now it's his turn to be confused. She backtracks, tries to correct herself. "It's just, after everything, it's hard to tell what's real and what's not real." She smiles at him shyly.

"You want me to stay here with you. Real or not real?" He asks her.

Her smile grows. "Real."

He pauses, goes back to watching her carefully. "Katniss, do you like me?" He asks suddenly.

This catches her off guard, and she tries to move away from him. He tightens his grip around her waist.

"Katniss…" He trails off, letting her know that he needs an answer.

"What kind of 'like' are we talking about here?" She asks, going back to looking anywhere but at him.

"The only kind that I would be asking you about. I don't need to know that you like me as a person." He responds, growing serious. She turns her face towards his. The world is quiet for several long minutes, and all they do is look at each other. He knows she's going to answer him. He knows it's been a long time since he ever thought of her in this way, knows that he has every intention of sticking by her regardless of her answer.

"Do you like me?" She finally says. She sounds so terrified, so utterly scared and vulnerable that he spares her. He answers her question first.

"Yes."

He sees the relief color her face, knows that she'd been doubting for months whether or not he could ever like her in that way again. But, as he is holding her slender form close to his own, he knows that he certainly does like her in the way again.

"I like you too." She says, and her words are filled with meaning, with more feelings that she cannot quite say just yet. But that's okay with him, because he promised her that they would start with the little things first. She stands on her toes, kisses his forehead in thanks. He leans in hesitantly, plants a slow one her mouth in return and moves away quickly to see her reaction.

She's smiling again, and it feels like home.

_**A/N Parte Dos - **So, I assume that if you're reading this you are very angry with me and my lack of, or better yet, nonexistent updates. I could spin out tons of excuses, and believe me, they do exist. I didn't get enough responses to continue my sequel to Green Eyes, and I honestly just don't know what to with it. Putting it away would probably be the best, because I know it sucks to stumble upon a story and be left hanging, so I will most likely take it down in a few days. As for anyone who's been waiting for an update either my Harry Potter or One Tree Hill fics, those are coming because I still very much love writing the two ships in those stories. _


	2. Everything

**A/N -** _So, I've decided since I love one-shots so much, I'm going to make this a set of lots of them. They will all go chronologically in order, but it's not exactly a story because each chapter will be it's own piece, and they don't exactly all follow the same plot. Nontheless, I love writing this couple, and I think I do a good job of writing Peeta, so I want to do more one-shots of them. This latest one is a little shorter than the first, and it takes place a little while after the first one, on the night that the last scene of Mockingjay (before the epilogue) takes place. It's right after the "real, not real" scene between Peeta and Katniss._

_As things go on, you'll notice the one-shots will get more angsty, naturally, because the pair have a lot of untouched subjects to talk about. But I'll throw in the occasional light one too, because I love seeing them happy._

* * *

"Hey, Katniss?" He can't tell whether or not she's fallen asleep, so he whispers her name, hoping that she's still awake.

"Yeah?" She replies.

"Why me?" he asks, sincerely curious. She'd said it, she finally said it and meant it. Katniss loved him. It was real. Not a delusion, not an act. Reality.

She stirs in bed next to him, rolling over so that she's now facing him.

"What do you mean?" She asks, sounding almost mad.

"You know what I mean." He places his hand on the side of her face, gently. He can feel the scars that are just beginning to fade, knows that they are more than just skin deep.

"You mean why you, over Gale?" She asks, her voice catching in her throat. This is not something she wants to talk about, and he automatically regrets bringing it up.

"I'm sorry. I'll drop it." He says, lowering his eyes away from hers. They lay there in silence for several minutes, and it's so quiet that Peeta swears he can hear both of their hearts beating.

"No, you have a right to know." She finally says. He looks at her, and sees that it hurts for her to even think about it. "I overheard you talking to him one night, when we invaded the Capitol. You were talking about which one of you I would choose. Gale said I'd choose who I couldn't survive without, and you didn't disagree with him." There's a certain note of distaste in her voice, and he realizes that her feelings were hurt by this.

"I'm sorry. It was wrong of me not to stand up for you. You weren't exactly my favorite person then, but that's still no excuse." He is ashamed of himself for hurting her so deeply.

He's surprised when she laughs softly at him, shaking in his arms. "I hoped for so long that the old Peeta would come back to me. And now you're really here, because only he would feel bad for something that was out of his control."

She smiles at him in silence, leans in for a kiss.

"No."

"No?" She's confused, because he's never said no to her before.

"You still haven't answered the question Katniss. Don't try to distract me." He's teasing her, and she knows it. But he senses that she's nervous, so he pulls her in close and whispers, "It's okay, I have you now, so you can say whatever you want about him." And then presses a kiss to her temple.

She sighs, but it's not a sad sound for once, and it makes him happy. "I realized that Gale was right. When I first heard him say that, I thought he meant that I would pick the one who would increase my lifespan the most. You know, the hunter versus the baker. And that's probably what he meant. But, the way I see it now is that I did pick who I can't survive without. I don't know how I thought I'd ever really live again without you."

Her voice drifts off, and he can feel the blood rushing to her cheeks below his hand.

"It's okay, Everdeen. I forgive you. I was kind of crazy back then, and almost killed you a few times, so I'd say we're even." He whispers into her hair, wishing there was a way that he could pull her closer to him.

She looks up at him, and he sees that she's not smiling like he is. She looks like she's about to cry.

"What's wrong?" He asks, hoping that the tears won't come because he can't stand it when she's upset. He promised that he'd make her happy again, and he needs to keep that promise. It's all he lives for.

"You don't know how sorry I am Peeta. I'm sorry that I couldn't see things clearly from the start, I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry that I thought that entire love story was something you and Haymitch made up, and I'm sorry that I didn't realize that I loved you during those days in the cave. Because I did, and I wasted so much time-" She's out of breath now, and the waterworks have started.

"Hey, shh. Katniss, it's okay. It's alright. I'm here now. I always will be." He soothes her pain, understanding it more than she realizes. She's shaking in his arms, almost hysterically, and it brings him back to those nights on the train they spent together, before their second round in the arena. It brings him back to when he told her she had to stay alive, for everyone that loved her. It would've been okay if he died, because he needed her, and so did a lot of other people. But Katniss? She didn't need anyone.

But maybe now she does. Maybe now she needs him back.

The thought makes him bring her face to his own, kiss her fiercely to try to make her see that he understands. She reciprocates, and he knows that she got his message loud and clear. She comes up for air, then sits up, still shaking. He moves to sit beside her, stays quiet because he knows that this is her moment, and there are things that she needs to say.

"I didn't need to pick anyone, Peeta. It had to be you. You gave me something that no one else in this world has ever given me." She says, looking at her hands, clasping and unclasping them.

"Bread?" He asks, a smile finding its way to his lips.

She returns it, shaking her head. "Hope. And that was something I'd never even thought existed until you came along."

He looks at her for a long time. Over the course of almost thirteen years now, he's loved her. And he knows that he will never get tired of just looking at her. For years, that was all he could manage to do, until the Games gave him an excuse to talk to her. He remembers every dress she's ever worn to a Reaping, every breath she took in sharply before a girl's name was called, and the release when it wasn't her own. She hadn't even known that just as her breath left her, relieved, he was doing the same. Relieved that he'd get to watch her for a whole other year.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She shakes him from his thoughts.

"Like what?"

She pauses, uncertain of how to phrase it. "I guess, like you love me." She blushes again, and he can't help but smile because it's the cutest thing when she's embarrassed.

"That would be because I do love you." He says matter-of-factly. "You're my whole world."

There's a look of sadness in her eyes, and he's sure it's because her whole world used to encompass more people. But the look fades, and she's smiling again, and he knows it's real because it touches her lovely eyes.

"I love you too." It's the first time she's said it in those exact words, and he is thrilled. She throws her arms around him in a hug to rival his own, and he swears that she'll always be everything to him.


	3. Primrose

**_A/N - _**_Not much to say except that I love this one-shot. It takes place a few weeks after the last one. It's my favorite so far, and I had fun writing a part of Peeta that we unfortuneatly didn't get to hear much about throughout the series._

He can feel her crawl out of bed, but he doesn't pay any attention to it. She's probably just going to the bathroom, or something. Only after several long moments have passed, does he realize that he never even heard the bathroom door close behind her. He sits bolt upright in bed, looking around the room. Everything looks normal.

His mind is shifting back to a place that he doesn't like to reenter. He's back in the arena now, fearing for Katniss' life. He gets up slowly, minding his steps, peeks out into the hallway.

Silence.

Throwing caution to the wind, Peeta nearly flies out the front door, shouting her name. No response is thrown his way, and he quickly goes into a frenzy. He running around the entire house outside, barefoot, unsure of what was happening. He stops to breathe, tries to collect his thoughts. She wouldn't go hunting now, it's three in the morning. And why would she want to go for a walk, when everyone was asleep right now?

Then it hits him. There's one person who was so out of sorts, he'd probably be up right now. He runs the two minute walk to Haymitch's house, nearly passing out on the front steps. It was too soon for him to be exerting himself like this, he still hadn't recovered from all that the war had done to him, physically. The only part of him that wasn't aching was his right leg, and that's because it's artificial.

The door opens before he even gets a chance to knock.

"Took you long enough." says Haymitch, the smell of alcohol radiating off him in waves.

"Where's Katniss?" Peeta finally manages to choke out. Haymitch pulls him inside, leading him towards the kitchen. As soon as he sees her, Peeta forgets everything. The searing pain in his side, his dry throat, his headache from all the panic. He rushes to where she's sitting.

"Why did you take off like that? I was worried." He's speaking to her forehead, because she's not looking directly at him, but at his knee. "Katniss, please look at me. What's wrong?"

She holds out her fist, and only then does he see that there's something crushed in it. She opens up her fingers, and a mangled flower falls into Peeta's hand.

A Primrose.

"Oh." He can hear Haymitch snort, knows it's because of his horrible response to the flower.

"They've started to bloom. This was the first one." She pauses, still not meeting his eyes. "I just wanted some fresh air, it was getting really stuff inside. Then I saw them. I didn't know what to do."

"So you went to Haymitch? Instead of waking me up?" Peeta isn't prepared for how hurt this makes him feel, he isn't prepared for the sudden rush of anger. He stands up, makes a beeline for the door. He only manages to get a few feet away from the house when a hand grabs him from behind.

"Don't be stupid, boy. She needs you." Haymitch's voice is quiet, and he almost sounds…

"Are you actually sober?" Peeta asks, turning around. Away from the open front door, in the cool night air, he realizes that the smell of alcohol was coming from inside the house, not from Haymitch himself.

"Thought I'd try it out again." Haymitch shrugs, as if choosing not to be an alcoholic is no big deal.

"I can't ignore the fact that instead of coming to me, she just ran away." He can hear the pain in his voice, the note of betrayal. He wanted so badly for her to love him like he loved her. That was all he'd ever wanted from her, but he never dared to ask for it. Now that he had, she was pushing him away.

"Cut her some slack. She didn't come looking for me, I saw her dart past my window, and went and got her. She was heading for the Seam."

She'd been heading for the Seam. Probably back to the old house she'd lived in with her mother and Prim.

He sees her, a few feet behind Haymitch, hesitantly stepping out of the doorway. Her hair is flowing lazily in the wind, because she'd let it out of her usual braid before she went to sleep. Her mouth is in a tight line, and her eyes were on him. They're not glazed over with tears, they're just sad. He's still angry, but not it's at himself.

He pushes past Haymitch, runs to her. She takes his fist in her hand, pries his fingers open. He still has the crushed Primrose in his hand. She takes it, now holding it gingerly between two fingers.

"I just wanted to see them. I just wanted to feel their presence one last time. I didn't mean to worry you. I thought I'd be there and back before you even noticed I was gone." Her words come in a rush, one after the other, like she's scared of what he'll say. "But of course you noticed, you always do because you're wonderful and you care so much. I didn't want you to feel like you weren't doing enough to comfort me, that I had to take off to the Seam to feel better. I'm so sorry."

She lets the flower drop as he pulls her into a hug. His hand rubs soothing circles on her lower back, and she clings to him for dear life.

"I don't want you to be mad. Don't leave, please." And then, the magic words come out of her mouth. "I do need you. I love you."

He pulls back to look at her. He says that her lips are and swollen, she'd been biting down on them. Her hair falls softly around her face, her eyes are more apologetic than he's ever seen them. He takes hold of her hand, starts leading her away from the house.

"We'll see you later, Haymitch." He calls over his shoulder.

They walk in silence through the deserted town. Not many people had returned to District 12 after Paylor became President of Panem, but there were the select few who refused to call any other place but District 12 their home. But these people were curled up in their beds, leaving Katniss and Peeta to be the only two walking the streets.

He leads the way, and within minutes, they have reached her old home in the Seam.

"How did you know which house was mine?" She asks quietly.

He chuckles, and he's sure she can see his blush in the moonlight. "Promise not to make fun of me?" He asks.

"No." She responds, smiling.

"After you showed up in my backyard when we were eleven, I asked Madge where you lived. She asked me why I wanted to know, and I told her that I really needed to talk to you about some bread that you bought from my dad. She smiled, like she saw right through me, like she knew I just wanted to go see you." He stops to revel in the look on her face.

She's completely winded at this story. Clearly, she didn't know he'd paid so much attention to her.

"So, once a year, I'd work up the nerve to walk over to your house. I did that every year after I found out where you lived." He stops, wondering if she'll think that this is weird. He decides to go on anyway. "At first, it was just to see if I could talk to you. But as we grew older, I knew it was more. The year we turned fifteen, I was going to try to invite you to my house for dinner. When I chickened out, I promised myself that if I didn't work up the nerve to ask you out by the next year, I'd force myself to give up on you."

"But you never did talk to me Peeta." She says, confused.

He smiles, pushing the door to the house open. He pulls her inside. "I came by the day before the Reaping." His back is to her, but he can hear her sharp intake of breath. "You were outside with Prim, tending to her goat. You were so warm, so nice. You weren't who everyone thought you were at school. That's why I always came by to your house. Prim looked at me, and I bolted before you could follow her gaze. I told myself that it just wasn't meant to be. The next day, we were both on the train to the Capitol."

He turns around to look at her. She's staring at him, mouth open, slightly pink in the face.

"Oh, Peeta." She sighs, walking towards him. She takes both of his hands in hers, brings them each to her mouth. Before she can kiss his second hand, he lets go and brings her face to his own. He gets a good at her before he speaks.

"I loved you from day one Katniss."


	4. Sadistic

**A/N - **_So, remember how I said that the last chapter was my favorite? Well, now this one is. It's much, much more angst-ish, maybe even a little mean. But it's necessary. Peeta's mood swings shouldn't be ignored. They're a huge part of the growth of both of these two characters, as well as their relationship. I'm sorry if this hurts to read, but I promise it gets better at the end!_

* * *

He's been moody and grouchy, and he knows that it's getting to her. He's sorry for it, but it's not changing his attitude. He doesn't know what it is, can't seem to shake the feeling that something's wrong with him.

So he takes it out on her.

It's dark, and depressing, and pretty sadistic, and it's not his style. He doesn't know what's come over him, but he's mad at himself and it translates into him being mad at her.

"Peeta?" Her voice comes up behind him, quiet and scared, afraid of what harsh words may come her way.

He doesn't respond.

"What have I done wrong?" It's sad. It's so, so sad that he's doing this to her. "Peeta, this isn't you." She's begging, pleading now. He hears it in her voice.

He remembers when this started, a little over a week ago. He woke up from a horrible nightmare, in which he, from a distance, watched Katniss shoot him with her arrows over, and over again, even after his lifeless form crumpled at her feet. He awoke to find her sleeping beside him, distress played out across her face. She was probably having her own nightmares.

Instead of trying to go back to sleep, he just became angry that these dreams wouldn't go away. He knew it was the Capitol's fault, that they hijacked him and messed with his memories of Katniss. He knew she was not to blame, but he also felt the familiar feeling coming on. The feeling of betrayal, of immense pain. He just couldn't seem to shake it. From that morning on, he transformed. Cold, lifeless, barely there. At first she insisted that he tell her what was happening to him. After a few days, they just didn't speak. This was the first time she was approaching him in four days.

"You promised Peeta. You said 'always'." Her words are like a stab at his heart. His hand even reaches up to his chest, over the spot where it is. Where it _should _be. He was feeling pretty heartless now.

"You promised a lot of things too." He says quietly. He knows it's like a slap in the face to her. He regrets it instantly, and finally turns to face her. She doesn't look shocked. He's said worse to her and about her, back before the tracker jacker venom had fully left his system. But he knows that it all hurts just the same.

"You could let me go, you know. You could just leave if you're that miserable." She says coldly.

He mulls this over for a moment. Leaving her was not an option. "I can't." He says, finally.

Her eyes widen slightly, emotion returns to her face. The memory flashes before Peeta's eyes, fresh as if it had just happened earlier that day. The large crowd of people, former President Coin's body falling to the ground, all the guards rushing for Katniss. He runs to her, grabs on tightly.

"_Let go." _

He couldn't bear the thought of it.

"_I can't."_

He sees her clearly now, standing before him. She's gripping the kitchen counter behind her, leaning against it stiffly. Her mouth is red from how much she'd been biting her lips lately, a nervous tick she developed after the war. Her eyes bore into his, despite the fear that he knows must be gripping her.

She's Katniss, and she's beautiful.

He walks over to her, sees her shy away from him. But she's got nowhere to go, pressed up against that counter.

"I'm sorry." It's the worst apology he's ever given. It's horrible, and he's unworthy. He should just walk away, for her own good. Maybe Gale would come back. Maybe she could be happy, without him and his scary nightmares and delusions dragging her down. He turns to leave when she speaks, surprising him.

"It's okay."

"What?"

"I said it's okay."

He turns back around to look at her. She's relieved, it's written all over her face. But she's also confused, and hurt, and he knows that he owes her an explanation.

"Katniss, I don't know if I'll ever be completely normal again." He says. He knows she'll understand what he's getting at. She has to.

She nods her head. "You just have to tell me if it's something that I do that triggers it. What am I doing wrong?"

He shakes his head, denying that she's the problem, but she presses on.

"It has to be me, Peeta. Don't you get it? Maybe you should just leave, if I make you turn into this cold person. I'm no good for you, and-"

"Stop." He silences her with one word. "Don't you think I've tried, all week, to figure out why I just can't leave? Don't you think the thought crossed my mind that if I walked out that door, and got away from you, that I might be normal again?" He stops, smiles sadly at her. He can feel the tears welling up, but he doesn't try to stop them.

She has to understand.

"You don't get the effect you have on people Katniss." He knows he's said it to her before, knows she never really understood what he meant. But he'll make her see it now. "You're destructive, and sometimes a little insane. You're passionate, and brave, and willing to fight for what you believe in. But you're masochistic, and will hurt yourself at any chance you get because you think that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. And Katniss, with or without being hijacked, you've always scared me."

"Thanks for the pep talk Mellark, are you done now?" She scoffs.

He shakes his head. "But no matter what, I can't seem to shake you. You're inside me Katniss, it's like you flow in my veins. Every time this week that I thought I was too depressed to stand it any longer, you'd bat your lashes, or flip your hair to the side that I like it on, or hum to yourself quietly. My goodness Katniss, everything you do is just so damn _pretty. _I couldn't bring myself to leave. I never will."

She's stunned into silence. She tries to speak, but her voice catches in her throat. He walks over to her, doesn't give her a chance to speak before kissing her. This isn't like any other kiss they've shared, except for one. It resembles their last kiss in their last Hunger Games. It's passionate, and it's fiery, and it grows. He feels great, as he holds her slender form close to his own. She just so warm, and he loves her. He loves her so much.

Neither of them try to stop what's about to happen. But before it goes any further, something comes to his mind, and he can't not do it now that he's thought of it. He pulls away, hears her groan with discontent. She moves back in, but he moves away. He takes her hand in his own.

"Marry me?"


	5. Beginner's Luck

Peeta sometimes wonders if it's ironic of him to say that he has an insanely good memory. After all, it's his memories that the Capitol messed with. But still, it was getting easier for him to recall things in their true fashion, in crystal clear detail no less.

Like the day he told Haymitch that he loved Katniss.

They sat, facing each other in his room. Katniss was off somewhere with Effie, and in a few hours, the two would switch and Katniss would get to train with Haymitch. Peeta asked for separate training only because he knew that it was not time to tell her. If this information could help prolong her life, as long as she didn't know about it yet, then he would keep it a secret from her until he could no longer do so.

"So, why the change? You seemed all gung ho about working together yesterday." Haymitch says dipping his pinky finger into his drink and swirling it around.

Peeta shrugs. "This is a game, isn't it?"

For the first time since Peeta met him, Haymitch gives him a genuine smile.

"Yes. It is a game."

"How did you win?" It's a question that Peeta is sure Haymitch has been asked many times.

This time, Haymitch is the one who shrugs. "Beginner's luck."

Peeta snorts, rolls his eyes. He leans forward in his chair, eying the man before him carefully. Haymitch's matted blonde hair falls in his eyes. He looks well-kept enough, because the Capitol sees to that. He is a victor, after all. But he's still Haymitch, so he's unshaven and smells strongly of liquor. He's watching Peeta just as closely as Peeta is watching him.

"You see right through me, don't you kid?" He asks Peeta finally.

Peeta smirks, answers as honestly as he can. "I'm just trying to understand you. You're a lot like Katniss, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know that. I figured that much after having one conversation with the girl. She thinks like me, and that's going to be dangerous for you and everyone else in that arena." says Haymitch with a grimace. He looks like he feels sorry for Peeta, who must look like some genuinely nice, unlucky kid about to meet his certain death.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I know we're supposed to establish my personality for the cameras today, but before that, I need to make my intentions clear." He pauses to watch Haymitch finish his drink. Once he slaps the empty glass on the table and begins to refill it, Peeta continues on. "I want to keep her alive. Katniss, I mean."

Haymitch's head snaps up to stare at Peeta, his mouth hanging open, eyes wide. He stares at Peeta for so long that he doesn't see that his drink is spilling over its glass. Peeta clears his throat, and Haymitch slams the bottle down, ignoring the mess of liquor all over the table.

"You want her to win?" He asks quietly.

Peeta nods his head. "I know I don't have a chance, and she does. So I want it to be her. But I don't think she should know that. She'd feel indebted to me. She wouldn't want to owe me anything, much less her life."

This gets a loud laugh from Haymitch. "And what makes you think that you can possibly save her life? Why would you? So that District 12 can have a victor?"

"No." He knows he's blushing, but now is not the time to be embarrassed. "I've liked Katniss Everdeen almost all my life, and she'd never even spoken to me until the Reaping."

Now Haymitch leans back, crosses one leg over the other, and considers Peeta's words. He cocks his head to one side, not taking his eyes off of the boy before him.

"Can't say I'm surprised. You look at her as if the sun shines out of her ass." He says all this flatly, clearly still contemplating something in his head.

"Everything you do, any sponsors we get, it all goes to her, okay?" He has to make his point, has to convince Haymitch that he, Peeta, is a lost cause and Katniss has a shot at winning.

"This could save both your butts." says Haymitch finally.

"What do you mean?" Peeta asks. Now it's his turn to think.

"Think about it, kid."

After a few moments, it clicks. It's genius, really. He doesn't know how the thought hadn't crossed his mind before. The people in the Capitol, so superficial and fickle, would eat a love story like this right up. It would break their shallow little hearts, and the sponsors would come pouring in.

"She won't go along with it, Haymitch." The shred of hope that had been building evaporates. Katniss would never go along with this plan. She'd never pretend to be in love with him. And this is what hurts Peeta the most, is that she'd have to pretend, because to her, he was just some boy from her district whom she may or may not have to kill.

"She doesn't have to know."

Peeta shakes all of this from his head, returns back to the present. From the start, he'd been in the game for her. Part of him, to this day, wonders if he would have volunteered to go in alongside her, had he not been reaped. If he were being honest, he probably would have been too scared. He hadn't exactly loved her then, not yet. Not enough to willingly step in the game. But there was this hold that she'd had on him, that even he, who was good with words, could not explain. Then again, he ended up volunteering to go into the arena with her just a short year later. But a lot had changed by that point.

"Hey." Her voice startles him. He looks up to find her sitting on the grass in front of him. He'd been tending to the now blooming primroses when he'd zoned out.

"Hey." He responds quietly. He's not able to look her in the eyes, so he decides to stare at her left cheek instead.

"Peeta, I know you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad."

"You're totally mad."

"Katniss, it's fine. I get it."

She throws her arms up in exasperation, shaking her head petulantly. "Alright, Peeta. What do you get?"

"You don't want to marry me." He hadn't said the words aloud yet, and now he knew why. They sucked to hear.

She sighs, her expression softening. When she speaks, it's the most gentle he's ever heard her. "I've never wanted to get married in general."

"And why not?"

"Because I never saw a point in it. You open yourself up to this one person for the rest of your life, not knowing if they'll die before you one day, or leave, or worse, you may have kids with them, and then they'll die and break and both of your hearts." She rips a clump of grass out of the ground, and throws it in the air.

"But Katniss, that's not how things are anymore. There are no more Hunger Games, and no more starvation. Paylor is seeing to that." This draws her up short. She's out of excuses. "Is it Gale?"

She shakes her head, angrily. "I never wanted to marry Gale. He's got nothing to do with this." Her words are biting, and he knows that there's something she's not telling him.

"Katniss." Her name on his lips has a calming effect on her. "Katniss, is it Gale?"

"He wrote to me, and asked me to visit him in District 2." She tears an even bigger clump of grass, this time ripping the individual blades to tiny pieces. Peeta pictures the grass as pieces of his heart in her hands.

"Oh." Is all he says.

Another clump is being torn. Peeta can't take this much longer.

"I'm not going though." She's talking to the grass now, not daring to look at him.

"Katniss, why is it that every time we take two steps forward, you take another twenty steps back?" he asks, catching one of the falling blades of grass.

"It's not my fault that he wrote to me."

"That's not what I was talking about, and you know it. You feel bad for being with me. You feel bad that we're pretty much living together, and that you love me, and he's off by himself in District 2. You feel like you let him down, and though part of you will always hate him for what happened to Prim, he was your best friend and he was in love with you Katniss, and you feel like you're betraying him by being with me." He knows he's right when her brow puckers, and her mouth hardens into a tight line.

The clump of grass she's ripping apart looks like green confetti in her hands. He takes both of them in his own, dusts off the bits of green. Beneath the dirt and grass stains, her skin is red from all the friction from tearing the blades to bits.

"I'm sorry Peeta." She whispers, as he continues to clean her hands.

"It's okay." He whispers back.


	6. Stalemate

**A/N - I recently re-read the ending of Mockingjay for inspiration for this one-shot, and boy did I get some. I thought bringing in a fresh perspective would be good, hence the character who has joined the party in this installment. Also, this is the first one-shot of this series that is in Katniss' POV. I really like how it turned out, and I didn't expect to like writing her as much as I like writing Peeta. Speaking of Peeta, gosh, he is so awesome. Alrighty, enjoy! And thanks to all of you that review as well read, I read every single review.**

* * *

It starts with her letter.

"Dearest Katniss,

Please call me as soon as you get this letter. I know that it's a lot to take in right away, and I know you may not be ready to call just yet, but I have faith that you'll call when you can. I need you to know how much I love and miss you."

Underneath was her number in District 4. Katniss did not open that letter right away. She only opened it when Prim's cat, Buttercup, had returned. Only then did she feel like it was time. The phone call was exactly what she needed.

"Hello?"

Her mother's voice is shaky. Katniss can't speak, she's frozen.

"Katniss? Is that you? Please, if it is, say something." Her voice is gentler now, much more subdued.

"Hi." Katniss manages to choke out.

There's the unmistakable sound of a dry sob, and then some not so dry ones.

"Mom, please don't cry, because if you start then I will." But it's too late, and they're crying together. It's the first time that she lets all the emotions out, the first time she ever really feels them. And she can't deny that it feels so, so good to cry. She doesn't know how long they stay like that, just crying together, but eventually they both quiet down and all she can hear is her mother's breathing on the other end.

"Hey, mom?"

"Yes, Katniss?"

"I miss her too." Her voice breaks on the last word. It hitches in her throat, leaves it dry. Her bottom lip is still trembling and it feels like nothing will ever be good again.

"Oh, Katniss, I know honey, I know. But she wouldn't want this for us. So, please, try and smile every now and then. For Prim?" The last two words are quieter than the rest, but they're all that Katniss needs to hear.

"For Prim. And for you too."

So, when just two months later her mother is on her front step, Katniss doesn't wait to throw her arms around her.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, breathless.

"I thought I would surprise you. I missed you like crazy." Her mother pulls back, pushes the loose strands of hair off of her daughter's face in the way that only a mother can.

Katniss leads her inside, and before she knows it, the two of them are cooking lunch together. There's a peaceful silence in the kitchen, when Katniss' mother begins to hum. It's a light, happy tune, and Katniss recognizes it immediately.

"The valley song?" A voice says from behind Katniss. She whirls around to see Peeta leaning against the doorway. She hadn't even heard him come in. He looks much leaner than the last time she saw him. He must be eating better, and toning his muscles again. He hadn't looked this healthy since their training for the Quarter Quell. Of course he knew what the song was. He told her that she sang it on the first day of school when they were only five, and that he couldn't stop watching her ever since.

"That's right. How are you, Peeta?" Her mother's voice is very friendly. She'd always been fond of Peeta's amicable presence.

"I've been better." He says quietly. He's not looking at Katniss, but she can tell that he's referring to her. Things hadn't exactly been easy lately. He'd moved back into his old house, the one that was two doors down from Katniss' in the Victor's Village. She knew that he was hurting, that the two of them wanted different things from each other. She knew it was for the best that she let him have his space, but she couldn't deny that her nights were much lonelier now.

Part of her felt betrayed, because he said that he'd never leave her. And although he hadn't really left, because he called to check in once a day, she still felt abandoned. But she put on a cheery voice every time he called, inviting him over for dinner each time. And each time, Peeta would politely decline her invitation, and her heart would break all over again.

It was almost a routine now.

Seeing him, for the first time in almost three weeks just about knocks the wind out of her. He's so beautiful, leaning casually against her doorway. He's staring right at her, a slight smile playing at his lips. His arms are crossed across his chest, and she can't help but think that it is absolutely unfair that this makes his newly toned arms look even better.

"Why don't you join us for lunch, Peeta?" her mother's voice breaks through her dazed stupor.

Peeta shrugs. "Sure." He walks right past Katniss, and sits down at the table, which her mother had just set for three. He'd been so close when he walked by her that she could smell his familiar scent. It was fresh and clean, kind of pine fresh, and a little musky. She walks stiffly to the table, sits beside him without a word.

Lunch is a silent affair on Katniss' end. Peeta and her mother chat animatedly about various subjects. They talk about Paylor, and the work she's doing in all the districts. Her mother talks about the hospital in Distrct 4, Peeta talks about Haymitch's continuing fight for sobriety.

Peeta excuses himself after lunch, saying he promised Haymitch that he'd check on him and make sure that he wasn't sneaking any liquor into his house. He does say he'll be back soon, and the promise makes her heart almost stop as she realizes that she'll get to see him again.

"I don't think that boy knows how much you love him Katniss." Her mother says as the two of them clear the table. Katniss almost drops the plate that she's holding. Her mom chuckles softly.

"Let's just not talk about it." Katniss says, carrying more plates to the sink.

"You're going to have to talk about it. Maybe not with me, but certainly with him. And he loves you. I knew it the second that he looked at you on that stage at the Reaping. You're his whole world, baby girl." Her mom replies. A knot begins to form in Katniss' stomach.

"Mom, I can't talk about this, okay?" Her voice is firm, but she knows its not firm enough for her mother to drop this subject.

"Katniss, I know I haven't been the best mother to you. And I know that we've been doing a good job of fixing that these last few years. But you have to trust me when I say that I do understand how you're feeling." She notices Katniss has her back to her, knuckles bone white as they clutch the kitchen counter for support. She sighs, and goes on. "Katniss, the room gets quiet when you two are in it. It seems like everything hushes, and no one else is in the room. The air changes, even I can feel it. You tried so hard not to look at him, and it only made you look at him even more. He walked past you, and you looked like you would break on the spot. Why don't you just tell him?"

"Because what's the use?" She doesn't mean to yell, it's just how it comes out. She turns to face her mother, already feeling what's to come. "He's the greatest person I've known since Prim. He's beautiful, and kind, and patient. He was hijacked, made to believe that I was a monster, and he still came back to me. I left him high and dry when I thought it was Gale that needed me, and he was okay with it, mom. I should've known, so long ago, all the signs were there."

She pauses to take a shaky breath. "When they told me that they couldn't save him from the arena, that the capitol got to him first, I nearly killed Haymitch. I wasn't human anymore. That's what losing him does to me. But when he's here, everything is okay. And I feel like the world can be good again, as long as he's in it. And I don't deserve him. But I need him."

They're both quiet for several long moments and its as if the weight of the world has been lifted off of her shoulders. It's replaced with a hollow, empty feeling, and then suddenly, everything inside of her hurts so much. She wants so badly to give in, and make him happy, but she's so selfish that she can't bring herself to do it. The feeling is crushing her, suffocating her, and she's thinking that she has to say something, just so she can breathe but it's someone else that breaks the silence.

"Well, well. Good for you sweetheart, for finally catching on." It's Haymitch, walking through the front door, and into the kitchen. And right behind him, looking absolutely shell shocked is Peeta.

Haymitch walks over to Katniss' mother, takes her lightly by the elbow. "As much as I'd like to eavesdrop some more, I think it's time you and I left these two alone."

Katniss shakes her head, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks. "No, I need to go for a walk or something. I'll be back for dinner." She runs out before any of them have the chance to say anything. She doesn't pay attention to where she's going, but instead tries to enjoy the feeling of running, tries to clear her mind as the ground flies beneath her feet.

It takes her several minutes before she hears him.

"Katniss, I will catch up to you, so you might as well stop running now!" He came after her. This was exactly what she'd been trying to avoid.

She slows down, and within seconds he reaches her.

"Just don't, okay? It's not like you didn't know that I love you. It doesn't change anything Peeta." His name falls strangely on her lips, and she sees the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry that I moved out, Katniss. I just needed to get away from you before I went insane all over again." He says.

She stays quiet, afraid of what he'll say next, but at the same time, hoping he'll just stand there and talk to her forever.

"I know it scares you. I know that you used to be confused about your feelings, and that was less scary. Now, you're certain of them and they terrify you. But it shouldn't mean that we shouldn't be around each other."

"How can we be around each other Peeta? You weren't happy with me, so you left." She can't mask the note of betrayal in her voice, and she knows that he picked up on it, because he sighs, and shakes his head. A light breeze ruffles his soft, golden hair. Before she knows what she's doing, she's closed the gap between them, touching it lightly.

He reaches up and touches the tip of her braid.

"Why is this is so difficult?" She whispers, her hand moving down the side of his face, then moving to trace his jaw line. He closes his eyes at her soft touch, he breathes in sharply.

"It's lonely at night without you, Katniss." he confesses, not opening his eyes as her fingers slide down around his neck. She's overwhelmed with the urge to kiss him, so she does. He doesn't stop her, so she gets her fill of him while she can. After several minutes, she speaks.

"I know what you mean."

He opens his eyes, and seems startled by her close proximity. He smiles at her sadly, and sighs. "So, I guess we're at a stalemate, huh pal?"

His eyes are kind, and it makes her feel warm and loved. He loves her so much, and she can see it, plain as day on his face as he looks at her. She knows he wants to marry her, and her refusal stung him so badly that he needed to get away from her.

"I guess so." She replies. He takes her hand, leads her back to the house. They walk in to find Haymitch asleep on the sofa, and her mother putting a blanket over him. She walks over to the two of them.

"Listen here, you two. I haven't seen love like this in a really long time, and it breaks my heart that you're trying so hard to ignore it. I hate to break it to you, but it's not going to go away. Katniss, I know you're worried about how much things will change if you finally move forward, and you're worried that this will really mean the end of your friendship with Gale. But, honey, you need to face your feelings." She stops, turns to address Peeta. "And you, young man, have loved my daughter for a very long time, yes?"

Peeta nods his head.

"Wait a little longer. You're almost there." She says, before excusing herself to go the market to pick up more food before dinner.

They stare quietly at each other once they are alone. Then, he pulls her in close. They embrace for a long time, neither one of them daring to break the hug.

"She's right, Katniss." He says into her hair.

"I know."

"I'm not giving up on you." He says.

"I know."


	7. Reunion

**A/N - I'm baaack! Sorry that it's taken me a couple of weeks to update, but it's the end of my senior year in high school and things just got sort of crazy! Anyway, I'm back with a new "piece", and this one is super long, especially in comparison to all of the others. It's my way of apologizing for the wait. I had to touch upon a few subjects here that I felt were necessary in Katniss' healing process, so this is probably the last one-shot that will be in her POV in this series.**

* * *

They're happier than they've ever been. For a few short weeks, everything is okay. In fact, everything is more than okay. It's overwhelming and wonderful, and Katniss does not want it to end. In the back of her mind, she wonders just how long this golden age will last, but she does her best to ignore her doubts because she made a promise that they would make this work.

"Your mother called while you were out hunting. She wants you to call her back right away." Peeta says as soon as Katniss steps over the threshold of the house. She couldn't deny how wonderful it felt to have him living with her again. She runs into his arms, surprising him with a tight hug. He chuckles, wraps his arms around her waist.

"She can wait." says Katniss, fitting her head nicely into the crook of his neck. She can feel his throat vibrate as he laughs some more. They stay there like that for a few seconds longer, until the phone starts to ring, interrupting their moment.

"Go." he orders, a grin still plastered on his face.

She walks into the living room, Peeta right behind her, and picks up the phone. "Hello?"

"Katniss, honey, how are you?" her mother asks. Right away, Katniss knows that something is wrong. Her mother's voice is too chipper, and it is very evident that she is about to hear some bad news.

"I'm even better than I was when you called two days ago. I'm hoping that whatever you're calling about won't ruin that." She glances at Peeta, who shrugs, and shakes his head.

"I tried to tell you this the last time I called, but I just didn't know how to. But I figured that you should hear it now before you see him around, or something-"

"Him who?" But Katniss already knew who her mother was talking about.

"Gale. Katniss, Gale is arriving in District 12 today. Well, he probably already arrived early this morning. He'll be there for a few weeks on some business with some guys that he works with in District 2. I think Beetee is with him too." She's talking faster now, as if this would make the news any better, or as if she talked fast enough, Katniss would miss the part about Gale coming to District 12.

"Mom, it's okay. It's fine. I'm fine. I've got to go, I'll call you back later. I love you." She waits for her mother to return her sentiment, then hangs up the phone. She can't bring herself to look up at Peeta, but she feels his eyes on her.

"Katniss." He says, after a few more seconds of silence. She finally looks up at him, and regrets it immediately. He's standing directly in front of the window, the last of the evening's sunset hitting him perfectly. He runs a nervous hand through his golden hair, kind blue eyes focused right on her piercing gray ones. She can see every blonde lash, thanks to the sun, sees him blink nervously. He's wearing a white t-shirt, and black pants, and she swears that he must get better looking every day. He walks over to her, afraid of whatever news she's just received. She can see the emotion play out on his face, and it's so absolutely endearing how he wears his heart on his sleeve.

He is the complete opposite of Gale.

"Gale's in District 12." Katniss tries to force an apologetic smile on her face, but she she's sure that it just comes off as a grimace.

Peeta's reaction is not one that she expected. He bursts out laughing, and sinks into the armchair by the fireplace. Once he finally stops laughing, he takes one long look at her before he speaks.

"Katniss, you don't have to be so worried about that. I already knew, and I thought you did too. I saw him around the square earlier this morning. I was just waiting for you to bring it up, I didn't want to push you to talk."

"You knew?"

He nods his head. "I saw him talking to one of his pals from District 2. We made eye contact, but he didn't say anything, so I just kept walking."

Now she's unsure of what to say. He seems fine with everything, and she knows it's genuine because he doesn't lie to her.

"Should I go talk to him?" She asks wearily.

His smile falters, and she sees the note of ease in his eyes disappear. "Only if you want to."

"It's not about _wanting_ to. It's about what I _should_ do." She leans her head back against the wall, wishing she could return to the moment before her mother called.

"Katniss, come here."

"No."

"Just come here." His voice is gentle, but she knows not to push him away. They'd been working very hard on that ever since her mother went back to District 4, and Katniss had made immense progress. She was not going to disappoint Peeta now.

"Yes?" She asks, after he pulls her into his lap. She curls up like a cat, snuggling into his chest, as his arms wrap around her. She's overcome by just how safe she feels in this moment, so she clings to him, trying to push everything else away.

"He's no threat to you and me. You should go see him." He says.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

So the next morning, Katniss sets off for the square, kissing Peeta goodbye before she walks out the door. She can see the slight worry in his eyes, and hates herself for being part of the reason why it's there.

She's not exactly sure where Gale is, or how she'll find him. But she doesn't have to think about that for long.

"Katniss!" The voice doesn't belong to Gale, but she recognizes it anyway.

"Beetee!" Katniss whirls around, still only halfway through the Victor's Village. Walking toward her was an excited Beetee, finally out of his wheelchair, and a timid looking Gale. Beetee wraps her up in a friendly hug, but for some reason, this only makes her feel very sad, along with another feeling that she cannot quite place.

"Hey Catnip." Gale says quietly, once Beetee releases Katniss. "We were just on our way to see you."

"And I was just on my way to see you." She replies, before holding out her hand to him. Gale looks at it for a second, then pulls her into a tentative hug. She returns the embrace, waiting for some sort of emotion to hit her, but nothing comes. It all just begins to feel stiff and awkward.

"Is Peeta around?" Beetee asks, either oblivious to what was going on, or choosing to ignore it.

"He's up at the house." She points behind her. "About twenty yards up from here."

"His house, or your house?" Beetee asks, as he starts to walk in the direction that she's pointing.

"Our house." She clarifies. Her eyes flash to Gale's face, and she catches the look that says that he hadn't known she and Peeta had been living together. Within a few moments, Beetee is out of earshot and Gale and Katniss are left alone.

"So, he moved in?" Gale finally asks. She nods her head stiffly in response.

"Yeah."

"Well, I guess that's it, then? You've made your choice, huh?" He sounds relaxed enough, but she knows him so well. She knows that beneath the calm, there is anger. He's mad at her.

"Gale…"

"No, it's fine. That's great. So long as you're happy." The calm is fading, replaced by a mean edge.

"Gale, please don't be like this." She hadn't seen this coming. Well, at least not so soon into their reunion. She figured she'd have another couple more days of meaningless catching up before this talk came about.

"Don't be like what? It's not like I expected to show up here, and have you run into my arms like you've missed me just as much as I've missed you. I'm not an idiot." His words are completely biting now, all false pretenses of friendliness abandoned. She feels a knot forming in her stomach.

"Then why are you angry with me?" She's embarrassed that she sounds so frightened of him.

"Because you're living with him! Katniss, the war's only been over for four months now! Less than five months ago, he tried to kill you any chance he got. Less than five months ago, it was me that you wanted, not him." And there it was. The words she was sure he'd been dying to say since the day she left for District 12 after the end of the war.

"That's not true Gale. I wanted him the whole time, and you know that. You know it killed me to see what was happening to him. That's not fair of you to say." She's angry now too.

"No. You know what's not fair? You acted like I meant the world to you, and as soon your golden boy comes back, that doesn't seem to matter anymore." This time, she has nothing to say to him, because he's absolutely right. There's no way around it.

"You're right. But are you really going to hate me for realizing who I really want to be with?" She's not sure if this is the right question to ask him, but it's not like he was worried about hurting her feelings, so why should she worry about hurting his?

"I don't hate you Katniss. That's impossible." he says. She notices that he chose not to answer her question.

"Gale, I just wanted this to be pleasant. I wanted to tell you that I've missed being your friend, and that I think of you every time I go hunting. I wanted to say that I'm sorry that I never wrote you back, or tried to call. I was just scared of having this conversation with you, and I was terrified of how it might change things. At least in my head, if I never faced it, I could pretend everything was still the same, and you were still my best friend." She's trying so hard not to cry, but she knows that this is a battle she will lose. He's looking at her in a way that just makes her want to run and hide, because she doesn't deserve it. He's looking at her like he loves her, very, very much.

"It's okay, Katniss. I understand. I know that it's hard." He's still mad, she can tell. The fire that was always inside him, the rage that propelled him to greatness, and to do dangerous things, was still very much alive. She's reminded, yet again, of why her decision was so easy to make once Peeta came home. This wasn't what she wanted, nor what she needed, and it hurt too much to be around him, knowing that she could not give herself to him in the way that he wanted.

"Let's go up to the house." She says, and turns, leading the way. When they reach the front door, Gale reaches out and stops her.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this." he says.

"Ready for what?"

"Ready to see him. Ready to see him, with you. He's back to his old self, isn't he? And now you're not pretending to love him anymore. Now it's real." He says.

"It's been real for a long time." She regrets her words instantly, as they only make Gale cower back even more.

"Katniss, I don't think I can do this." He says, starting to back away.

"Just come inside." She says pushing the door open. She waits for him to walk slowly past her into the entryway. Together, they walk towards the living room, following the sound of Beetee and Peeta's voices.

"There you are." says Beetee, as Gale and Katniss make their appearance. As she smiles warmly at Beetee, Katniss is yet again struck with that sad feeling that she can't quite place.

"Gale, good to see you." says Peeta, rising out of the armchair that he'd been sitting in the previous day.

"Yeah. You look more like your old self." says Gale. Katniss is pleased that his voice sounds relatively friendly.

"I was going to get something for us to eat. Why don't you come give me a hand?" Peeta asks Gale. Beetee raises an eyebrow, but Gale shrugs and follows Peeta to the kitchen.

"Should I be worried?" Katniss asks Beetee.

He shakes his head. "Maybe not about Peeta. I'm not too sure about Gale. I don't know what he was expecting when we got here, but it certainly wasn't this. He didn't think you and Peeta were moving this fast."

"We're not moving that fast." she disagrees.

"Well, you're living in the same house."

"So?"

Beetee's cheeks flush red, and his glasses slide slightly down the bridge of his nose. He pushes them back up, nervously. "Well, you know, there are certain connotations about a young couple, with so much history, living together."

Now she is truly confused. "What are you talking about Beetee?"

They are interrupted when Gale and Peeta reenter, the first carring a tray of coffee mugs, the latter carrying one with pastries on it.

"Nevermind." Beetee whispers, reaching for a mug.

Katniss is left bewildered over the course of the next hour. It is a miracle that Gale is so civil, a feat which Katniss knows is completely thanks to Peeta. He is completely amiable, and gentlemanly, without a single trace of animosity. Even Gale seems to be genuine when he laughs at a few of Peeta's jokes.

"We should get back, Gale. We told them we'd only be gone for an hour." Beetee says, looking at his wristwatch. He stands up, shakes Peeta's hand warmly. "You're just as good a man as you were in the arena." He says to him. It's then that she realizes what the strange feeling that she'd been getting around Beetee is. It's nostalgia. Seeing him brought her back to a time where, not too long ago, her world was very different. Being in the arena, though not the best time in her life, was not a regret. Seeing Beetee makes her think of Rue, and Wiress, and Finnick.

"Katniss, why are you crying?" asks Gale. Beetee and Peeta turn to look at her. She reaches up to touch her wet lashes, she hadn't realized that she'd been crying.

"I'm sorry. I just need a few minutes alone." She excuses herself and walks up the stairs to her room. She sits down on her bed, and let's herself think about all of the things, and all of the people that she hadn't allowed herself to think about.

She sees herself decorating Rue's body with flowers. She sees Wiress laying down for her final sleep, after helping Katniss figure out the truth about the arena. She sees Finnick, grinning cockily, his true self hidden beneath the person he was forced to be. Then she sees herself and Peeta in the cave. She sees his leg heal miraculously, sees the moment where she realized that she wanted him to live more than she wanted herself to survive. Not only does she see all of it in her head, but she feels all the emotions that come with it. And finally, the memory from the Games that she was pushing away more than any other, resurfaces. It's her and Peeta, in the Quarter Quell. He's giving her the locket, showing her that he is truly the greatest person she will ever know. They're kissing now, and she can't helping wondering if it would be so bad if she loved him back. Why had she been trying so hard to not think about this time in her life?

"Katniss?" She hears Peeta say her name, feels the bed move as he sits down beside her, but she can't speak. She knows that he must want to touch her, but he chooses not to because he knows that at times like these, it's better to let her come to him.

And she eventually does. "I'm sorry Peeta. I just got overwhelmed."

"You shouldn't keep everything bottled up inside like that Katniss." He says, rubbing her back in soothing motions.

"Seeing Gale and Beetee brought me back to two completely different times in my life. And I realized that I needed to make peace with both of those times being over, before I can really move on from them." She says, once the crying has subdued.

"Well, that's a good first step. I'm proud of you." He says, leaning in to kiss her forehead. She smiles at him in thanks, before remembering something.

"Beetee was saying something to me before you and Gale came back into the room. He couldn't quite seem to get it out, and whatever it was, it was making him really uncomfortable."

"What did he say?"

"He was trying to explain why Gale was upset that we were moving fast. And I said that we're not moving fast, and he said that there are certain connotations that come with us living together. Was he talking about us getting married, or something?" She asks.

Peeta grins at her, and shakes his head. He bites down on his bottom lip, his eyes laughing at her. "Oh, Katniss. You really don't see things very clearly, do you?"

"What does everyone seem to know that I don't?" She's frustrated now, because no one is telling her what is going on.

"Katniss, Beetee meant to say that since we're living together, it's assumed that we are also sleeping together. As in, having sex." Peeta says, still smiling playfully, just seconds away from bursting out into laughter.

Katniss feels the blood rush to face, knows that she must resemble a tomato. She looks down at her lap, more embarrassed than she's ever been in her life.

"It should make sense why Gale is so upset. He spent six years with you, and barely got a decent kiss out of you, and it looks like I came in and got you in bed in a quarter of that time." explains Peeta.

"That is not funny." Katniss cannot make eye contact with him, which only makes her feel more embarrassed.

"It is something that we should talk about." his voice is now serious, and Katniss knows that she has to look at him.

"Okay."

"I've been thinking about it for a long time, Katniss."

"You have?" She doesn't know why this surprises her so much. He is a man, and he loves her, and he does not hide that he is very much attracted to her. It's only natural that he's thought about being with her in this way.

"Yes, probably since the day I turned fourteen. But I gave up on that dream for a while." His smile returns. "But, since it's a more realistic option for me now, I've been reconsidering it."

"And?"

"And, I want you to know that as soon as you're ready, I'm ready." He says, tucking loose strands of her hair, behind her ears. He cups the side of her face in his hand. "I love you."

She looks at this boy, whom she knows does in fact love her. The moment during the Quarter Quell returns to the front of her mind again. She sees the look he gives her, as he tells her that she's all he's got to live for. It's the same look that he's giving her now. She realizes, in that moment, that he's looked at her that way so many times before. He once told her, when they were on their way to the Capitol for their second Hunger Games, that his nightmares were all about losing her, and once he woke up and saw her there, everything was okay. She should have known then. If she had, that night on the train, maybe she would have taken this step with him. She would have been ready then, she just hadn't known it.

But she did now.


	8. Parting Words

**A/N - It's a little on the short side, but I needed to this to be a stand alone piece, and you'll see why once you've read it. Enjoy! Now that school is over, there will be more to come, and more frequent updates as well.**

"Hey, Peeta! Wait up!"

Peeta cannot believe his ears. As he turns around, Peeta can also not believe his eyes. Gale Hawthorne is running towards him. Peeta had been tending to the primroses, while Katniss was out hunting, and he was just on his way back inside when he'd heard Gale calling out to him.

"Katniss is out hunting." he says automatically.

"Thanks, but I'm not here for her. I'm actually here to speak to you." His tone is friendly, but Peeta still feels his body tense at these words.

"Okay." He says the word slowly, draws it out. It sounds strange, because it's only two syllables. "Come inside."

They walk into the living room, sitting down in the exact same places they sat in the last time Gale came over, almost two weeks ago.

"Peeta, I'm going back to District 2 tomorrow." Gale begins. He's looking right at Peeta, leaning forward slightly in his seat.

"Okay." There was that long, drawn out word again.

"You love Katniss a lot." Gale wasn't asking a question, he was stating a fact.

"Yes."

"Do you want to marry her?"

"Yes."

"Does she want to marry you?"

Silence greets Gale's latest question. The two of them stare at each a little while longer.

"I thought that you were supposed to be her best friend. Shouldn't you know how she feels about marriage and family?" Peeta finally asks, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. Even he can't ignore the slight venom in his voice when he says the words 'best friend'.

"Well, you're her best friend now. So I wouldn't know if things have changed." Gale says sadly. And all of a sudden, Peeta wants to apologize for being rude. He sees that Gale is struggling, just sitting there with him.

"I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of me to say." He says, head hanging, staring at his knees.

"It's okay. I know that this is hard. I didn't know what to expect, in coming back here. It's not like I thought she'd be here waiting for me. I just hadn't thought she'd moved on so quickly." It seemed like he was pain, saying these things, but it was his last sentence that made Peeta's head snap up.

"Moved on from what?"

Now it was Gale's turn to be confused. "From me."

"You and Katniss were never together." Peeta replies blankly.

"Neither were you and Katniss, until now. At least, not really. But she and I did talk about running away. And while you were gone, it almost felt like—"

"Stop." Peeta's voice rings out loudly over Gale's, cutting him off cleanly. "I don't want to hear any of that." He tries to hide the wounded note in his voice; he doesn't want Gale to hear it. But judging by the apologetic look on Gale's face, he knows that he must've heard the whimper within his words.

"I'm sorry. If it helps, I realized that you were someone special to her when she said if we ran off, we'd have to bring you along too. The few times I kissed her, while the Capitol had you, she was never really there." As Gale tries to comfort him, Peeta tries harder than ever to erase any images of Katniss kissing Gale from his mind. "She was always with you." Gale adds quietly.

"I don't think so."

"Well, I know so. Her heart broke for you in ways it never can for me. And part of me hoped that she was only scared for you, that she was falling in love with you because she thought her time with you was up. But she's still here with you now. And she's the closest thing she's ever been to happy. Do you remember that night, where we talked about which one of us she'd choose?" The corners of Gale's mouth twitch slightly at the thought, and Peeta thinks for a second that maybe he almost smiled.

"Yes. And so does Katniss. She was pretending to be asleep."

Gale shakes his head, the almost-smile turning into a real smile, albeit a sad one. "I should've known she'd heard us. I was terrified that she'd choose you. I tried to reassure myself that it just wasn't possible, because of the state you were in. You were a danger to her. And that was so pathetic, to hope that I was the inevitable choice because you were dangerous, not because she loved me more. But then there was that day where you panicked, when she kissed you. She told you to stay with her, and she kissed you, and it was like everything lined up in your face, in your expression. Like you understood. But what was worse, was the look on her face. There was hope, that you'd come back to her. That she'd broken through. There was actual love in that kiss. It was the worst moment of my life."

Peeta does not know what to say to any of this. He remembers that moment very clearly, remembers the state of panic he was in. He'd wanted to so badly to just die on the spot, wanted everyone to leave him behind because he knew he was just slowing them all down. But Katniss, she refused to let him go. And when she kissed him, everything did feel right again.

"I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that I don't have anything worthwhile to say, for all the pain you've suffered." He says after a few short moments.

"I had to try. I couldn't just give up on her. But now I see that it's time to do just that. It hurts her to be around me. She still hasn't forgiven me for everything that happened in the Capitol. But Peeta, you have to believe me. I didn't kill Prim." He's practically pleading now, something that Peeta has never seen Gale do. And in that moment of vulnerability, Peeta's respect for Gale grows.

"I believe you."

* * *

"How was your day?" Katniss asks as she walks in an hour later, planting a kiss on Peeta's forehead.

"It was interesting, to say the least. Gale came over to see me." Peeta says, pulling her into his lap. She smells like rain and grass, her hunting scent.

"To see _you_?" Katniss doesn't even try to hide the surprise in her voice.

"Yeah. There were some things that he and I had to say to each other, and I'm glad that we said them." At the horrorstruck look on her face, he quickly adds, "It was peaceful. Don't worry. He's leaving tomorrow."

"I know."

"You can go see him if you want, you know."

"I know. But I don't want to. I need more time, okay?" She leans into him, curls up like a cat in his lap. He wraps his arms around her small frame, their foreheads touching.

"Thank you for sticking by me." He replies, kissing her cheek. She smiles at him sweetly, and looks so touched by his thanks that he hugs her tighter.

"Why are you thanking me for that? It's the least I could do. And I could never leave you behind." She says, her smile growing.

"And you remembered things about me."

"I loved you then too, Peeta. You like orange, like the sunset. I remembered that because it sounded warm, like you." She pauses, looks at him for a long time. "Yes." She says finally.

"Yes, what?" he asks, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Yes, I will marry you."


	9. Reality and Sobreity

**A/N - Long story short, my laptop died. I finally got a new one for my birthday, so I can update again. As for this chapter, please bear with me. I took into an odd turn because I felt like it was moving too quickly, and these two were becoming a little too sure of themselves for such broken people. I also thought it would be nice to check in on Haymitch, so I did. Enjoy!**

He's really, really excited today. It was going to be a really good day, he could feel it. Sometimes, Peeta felt like he could sense the general feeling of how his day would be just based on how he felt when he woke up. He looked over to his right to see Katniss still asleep, hogging the blanket as usual. He figured after years of sharing hers with Prim and her mother she deserved to be a little selfish around him. She had her arms wrapped around a big pillow, one leg thrown over it as well. He was trying so, so hard not to laugh while he looked at her.

She hadn't had a nightmare last night, and neither had he. Neither of them had woken up in a cold sweat. It was after nights like these that he knew it was going to be a good day. Maybe they were finally beginning to heal for real. Maybe they would really be okay after all.

He jumps out of bed as the doorbell rings, walking quickly to answer the door. When he opens it, he finds a very worn out Haymitch slumped against his doorway. It was clearly not as good a day for him.

"Trouble in the land of sobriety?" Peeta asks, moving aside so Haymitch can hobble past him.

"I want to die." He says in response. Some days were very hard for Haymitch. On those days, he really couldn't be alone. Katniss and Peeta used to have to practically force him out of his own house on those days. Now though, he'd taken to coming over on his own when a particularly bad craving hit.

"No you don't." Peeta says calmly, sitting him down on the couch in the living room.

"Yes I do. I hear that in some religions, all they do is get drunk in the afterlife." Haymitch snaps.

"You don't have a religion Haymitch. You always say you don't want anyone deciding what's right for you except for you because no one knows you like yourself." Peeta recites this almost perfectly from memory because he's had this conversation with Haymitch before.

"I said that? I'm pretty smart."

"Yeah, you are, if you do say so yourself. And you definitely do say so quite a bit."

"You're a wise-ass."

"I know."

"And a know-it-all." Haymitch adds, with a haughty look that he often did not get on his face. Peeta suspected that it was only reserved for moments of deep deprivation and anger, moments when insulting Peeta seemed to help him stay sober.

"I happen to like those qualities in a man." A voice says from behind them, at the top of the stairs. They both look up to see Katniss bouncing down the stairs, a knowing smile on her face.

"As long as you like them, I'll keep them." Peeta says, patting the arm rest of the arm chair he was sitting in. She takes the seat gracefully, turning to Haymitch.

"Rough morning?" she asks politely.

"I think I hate you more than I hate him." He responds. They both know that it's his way of saying "Yes."

"That's probably true. It's the beauty of our relationship." She says brightly throwing one arm casually around Peeta's shoulders.

"I liked it better when she was a sourpuss and he was depressed." Haymitch grumbles to himself, just loud enough so both of them would hear him without him having to speak to either of them directly. He sighs wearily, and Peeta senses that he's reached that familiar point of resignation.

"Feeling better?" he asks Haymitch.

"No."

"'Atta boy. You're almost six months sober now. Don't ever ruin that over a bad morning." Peeta's warm tone does not shift in response to Haymitch's petulant one.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Katniss asks him.

"Not really."

"Then go upstairs and get some. We'll be here if you need help with anything." She says, motioning for him to go upstairs to the usual guest bedroom that he used when he had to be closely monitored. Wordlessly, he got up and headed upstairs.

"Do you ever wonder why we do this?" Peeta asks her, once Haymitch has disappeared from sight.

"Yes, constantly. But then I remember that we owe him our lives." She responds thoughtfully, staring at the spot where Haymitch had just been sitting.

"So, Katniss."

"So, Peeta."

"About this wedding that we're having."

"Yes?"

"When are we having it, exactly?" he asks hesitantly. He'd been dropping hints for the past few weeks that he wanted to set a date, or at least have some sort of engagement announcement, but whenever he did, Katniss would quickly change the subject.

"Oh. I'm not sure. I thought we would decide that together." Her expression noticeably changes for a few seconds. She looks uncomfortable, and doesn't hold eye contact with him. But as quickly as it changed, her expression changes back and she's smiling again.

"Well, traditionally, yes we would. But the date doesn't matter to me, so you should pick it. The sooner, the better." He leans in for a kiss, and is surprised when she doesn't do the same.

"I don't know about that." She says guiltily, eyes downcast.

"Why not?"

"Well, we've only told my mother and Haymitch about our engagement, and I'm not sure I'm ready to tell the whole world yet. There's so much going on, and I've liked that we've kept out of the public eye since the war ended, but setting a date this soon will just throw us back into that world. I got so sick of living in front of the camera, and you know that's what will happen if we have this wedding any time soon." She says all of this very quickly, getting up from her seat and pacing in front of him while doing so.

"Then what was the point of getting engaged? To have a ten year engagement?" He asks her, also rising from his seat. She stops pacing, and faces him.

"No, of course not." Her eyes are wide, and she looks as if she is trying desperately to avoid a fight. He, on the other hand can feel a familiar welling up of emotion in his chest.

"Well, that's how long it's going to take before Panem won't care whether or not we're married." He says, his head beginning to throb painfully.

"I know, I know that you're right about that. But is it really that bad? I like how things are right now." She's being honest, he knows that. But this hurts him more, because he knows that she means what she says. She really didn't want to marry him any time soon.

"Is this always going to be a constant issue?" He asks quietly, his eyes closed.

"No, we're going to get married." She replies, sounding shaky.

"But it's going to be an issue until we do." He pauses. "If we do."

"If?" Her voice comes out as a whimper, and he's scared to open his eyes and look at her. He can feel the tears coming on, and he wonders how this day took such a turn for the worst.

"Yeah. I need to go for a walk." He says numbly. He turns, and does not open his eyes until his back is to her.

* * *

He hated what a tease life with Katniss was. Things would be so perfect for a little while, and then all of a sudden one thing breaks their entire bubble. Sometimes he wonders if their happy times are just brief moments of fantasy, like a game they were both playing, and the reality was when things got sour. He tries to push these negative thoughts away as he walks around the Seam aimlessly, but he can't help feeling hurt.

Why was this so much harder for her? Every time they made progress, Katniss would show some kind of fear or insecurity, and they'd fall back to the bad place they'd just climbed out of. He knew it wasn't fair to blame her. She really had grown a lot, and it warmed him so much to see her happy lately, and to know that it was thanks to him.

He thinks back to the days when he would watch her at school. Never did he think he'd end up living with her. Never did he dare hope that she would ever love him back. But now both of those things were true, and it was starting to feel like they weren't enough for him anymore. Why was he so desperate to marry her, and so soon at that? What was he so afraid of? There wasn't really a chance that he would lose her, he knew that. He knew she was in love with him. So why was he so eager to push her?

He reaches Katniss' old house, and a memory makes its way into the front of his mind. It plays out before him, as if it were really happening at that moment in time.

He was thirteen, and it was the day of his annual visit to her house. He still felt weird and embarrassed that he'd try so hard every year to talk to her, when she didn't even know he was alive. When he reaches the house before Katniss', he stops as bits of a conversation reach him.

"_Gale, do you want to marry my sister?" _He recognizes the soft, chirpy voice of Primrose Everdeen, Katniss' nine year old sister. He hears a chuckle in response. The next voice is much lower, past puberty.

"_Katniss and I are just friends Prim."_

"_Yes, but you act like you love each other." _She presses.

"_I do love Katniss, but only as if she were my sister." _Gale replies.

"_Well, if you ever love her in another way, you should tell her. Lots of boys at school like Katniss. She doesn't know it, but she's sort of pretty. I think she'll be beautiful one day, and maybe then you'll love her. If not, someone else will." _

Peeta is brought back to reality by the meow of a stray cat walking past him. Maybe he was the one who was still insecure. He wasn't jealous of Gale. He didn't need to be anymore. Maybe, deep down, he was worried that Prim was right. If he didn't make her his, then someone else would try. It happened to Gale.

But Katniss loved him. After everything they'd been through since that day at the Reaping, she'd never leave him, no matter what the reason. So why was he so scared?


	10. Endearing

**A/N - This story deserves an ending, so here it is. I love these two so, so much. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed.**

"I can't do this with you anymore."

These words cut deep, and he's winded. He can do nothing but just stare at her, mouth slightly open, his vision starting to blur.

"Peeta, it shouldn't be this hard." She says.

Now there's two of her, blurring in and out of each other. He leans against the wall for support. He shouldn't have come home. He should have hidden out, let her worry about him. He should have made her wait, so she'd think she'd have to marry him right away in case something ever happened to him. But, even as he has these thoughts, he knows that this is not possible. He could never, and would never do that to her. He loves her.

"Peeta, please say something." She sounds demanding. He can't be sure though, because her voice fades in and out, much like the now three versions of her that are blurring in front of him.

"I can't say much right now." He says, breathing heavily. Now he can't see her at all, but he guesses she's finally realized that something is wrong with him because he hears her frantic steps, and then feels her hands on his face. A small yelp escapes her, and he knows that she's seen it.

"Who did this to you? We need to get you to a doctor." He hates the panic in her voice, and hates himself even more for taking it as a sign that she really must care about him after all. He can feel her dragging him somewhere, then desperately trying to lift him on to something. Why can't he see anything?

"I heard the shot right before I felt it. I waited there for at least a minute, but no one came to help. I don't know how I made it back here." He can't tell if he's slurring his speech, or if he sounds as coherent to her as he does to himself. He feels her putting pressure on his upper thigh.

"Did you see who did it?"

"Yeah. They looked like a clown. Probably some refugee from the Capitol who really hates our guts. I forget that they're still out there sometimes. Guess they made it all the way to District 12 just to hurt the people they blame for ruining their lives. Katniss, I'm going to die."

"No you're not!" She's screaming now, her voice reaching a level of hysteria he's only heard a few times before. "Peeta, open your damn eyes."

His eyes are closed? He tries really hard to move his lids, but nothing happens. He still can't see.

"It's too hard." He mumbles.

"Hello? This is Katniss Everdeen. I need some help here right now. A Capitol refugee is loose in District 12 and he's shot Peeta Mellark. If someone is not here within the hour, he might die. Please, send someone, send anyone. Send them in groups if you think that will be safer." She's crying now. He doesn't like it. He tries to tell her not to cry, but he can't seem to make his lips nor his tongue move. "Please, just hurry. We're in house number seven in the Victor's Village."

He feels her applying more pressure and tying his leg up. He's trying so hard to open his eyes, but it's just not happening and he wonders if he's already dead. His entire body feels like its on fire though.

"Peeta Mellark, don't you give up on me now. Stay with me, please, Peeta, just stay with me. Come on, I've almost lost you so many times, and you always make it." He can barely understand her with all the crying she's doing. "I'm so sorry for saying what I said. Just don't leave. Stay with me. Say something, say anything."

But he couldn't. It was too hard. And like she said, it wasn't supposed to be this hard.

* * *

"I'm guessing if he dies you will too."

"Shut up, Haymitch."

"He was always my favorite."

"I know, Haymitch."

"He wouldn't have gotten shot if you weren't so stubborn."

Katniss doesn't respond. She looks up at Haymitch, but for the first time today, he's not glowering down at her. He's standing over her, outside Peeta's hospital room, and he looks almost apologetic. Like he's realized something, and feels immensely bad for her. She's confused. Haymitch never showed compassion.

"What?"

"Forget it."

She stands up out of her seat, facing him. "Explain what you just said. Now." Her voice is low and hoarse from crying, but she can hear the menace in her words. She knows that he can too.

"If you weren't fooling with his," he taps the side of Katniss' head lightly. "then maybe he would have been home with you, and we wouldn't have to be worrying about his," he places one finger over Katniss' heart, "and whether or not it'll keep beating."

Understanding dawns on her and she is quiet for several long moments.

"That's not true. That refugee was probably looking for all of us that played a hand in the Capitol's fall. If they hadn't found Peeta outside by his house, they could have found him elsewhere. They could have shot both me and Peeta if we were both in the same house." She sounds like a child, trying to say things that will convince her that Haymitch was wrong.

"Sure, kid. You're right." But he's not looking directly into her eyes so she knows he doesn't really believe her. "I really fucking need a drink." He mutters as he sits down.

"Sweetheart, this isn't your fault."

Katniss can't bear to look at her mother. Instead, she chooses to bury her face in her mother's neck, crying, much like she did for weeks after her father died. Her mother hugs her tighter, one hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. Katniss is so tired of crying. She wonders how she still has any tears left in her. She hears a door close from behind her, and her head automatically snaps up to look at whomever just exited Peeta's room.

It was his surgeon. She looks at him expectedly, waiting for whatever news may come.

"As of now, he's holding on. He lost a lot of blood on his way here, and we're getting him as much as we can. But you have to know that supplies are low with so many long term patients during and after the war." He looks pointedly at Katniss, as if the whole war were her fault, which, when you boiled it down, it probably was.

"So what are you saying?" her mother asks when Katniss does not say anything.

"I'm saying that we're going to need a miracle. Even if he does survive this, he'll be immensely weak for weeks to come. We'd have to keep him here until the Spring. Of course, that is better than the alternative, you know, if he doesn't make it." The doctor says darkly.

"I thought you were supposed to soothe the family of the patient. I thought you were supposed to be gentle. Didn't they teach you that in school? Didn't they teach you not to upset those who are already on the verge of insanity? Especially those who just finished fighting in a war?" Katniss practically hisses at the doctor. He looks at her in the same way Haymitch had before, and there is so much pity in his eyes that Katniss has to walk away.

"Katniss!" her mother calls out for her, but Katniss keeps walking, further and further away from the room. She finds a custodial closet and slips quietly inside. She crawls into a large, rectangular hamper full of nurse's uniforms, not caring whether it was the clean or dirty pile. Laying in the fetal position, she knows that she's regressing. She knows that this is exactly what she used to do while she was living in District 13. She would shelter herself from everyone and everything, and just pretend that she no longer existed.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am from District 12. Today is my eighteenth birthday. I am spending it in a hospital, hoping that the one person I love more than anything won't leave me even though I am selfish and unfit for him._

Again and again she repeats this mantra. Eventually, she starts a new one.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am from District 12. Today is my eighteenth birthday. Peeta Mellark might die. Peeta was on his way to bring me flowers for my birthday when he got shot. Everything is my fault._

Again and again, over and over. She began interchanging the mantras. She hugged her knees tighter; though it didn't make the horrible pain in the pit of her stomach go away. But that was fine with her; she didn't deserve to have it go away.

She felt the heavy lid of the hamper being lifted up. Her mother had probably found her. Or maybe it was a nurse who needed her uniform. How long had Katniss been hiding, anyway? Maybe it was much longer than she thought. Maybe she would just die from hunger or thirst in this laundry hamper. She refused to open her eyes until she heard him speak.

"Katniss, what are you doing in here, silly girl?"

Her eyes immediately open. She cannot believe what she is seeing. She sits up slowly, crossing her legs, looking at the boy before her, mouth slightly open.

"Peeta? You're okay?" She doesn't know why she's whispering. He's standing there before her, wearing the same jeans and long-sleeved sweater he'd been wearing when he'd shown up bleeding on her doorstep.

"Of course I am. You didn't think a little thing like a gunshot wound could keep me down, did you? I survived two Hunger Games and a war. Have some faith in me, Everdeen." He's smiling unabashedly at her, and it's so wonderful. She no longer feels cold and empty, but she still can't make herself move. She's so in shock, and all she wants to do is kiss him.

"I'm so sorry. It's all my fault." She says, remembering her latest mantra.

His eyes and his smile are warmer than ever as he moves closer to her. He places both of hands on either side of her, leaning over both her and the hamper. His face is inches away from hers, and she's absolutely captivated by him. He's smiling sweetly, making his jawline clench and look even more prominent. She reaches up to run one finger down it. She's reminded, yet again, of how much time she's wasted. She's reminded, yet again, that he'd loved her from the start and she never gave herself to him like he deserved.

"You need to stop feeling so sorry for yourself, Katniss. Can't you see that it's only holding you back? No, Katniss, you need to listen to me." His tone shifts to that of frustration as she begins to shake her head, refusing to believe his words.

"Everything's all my fault. I don't deserve you."

"So?"

This is the most surprising moment of her life, and it all is because of one word.

"What?"

"So what if you don't? Do you really think that it would change anything, even if I believed that? Because it wouldn't. Here's what you don't understand, Katniss. And things will never be right between us until you accept this. I am in this for the long haul. As long as I live, there will be no one else for me but you. And maybe this wasn't true before, but it is now, because now there isn't anyone else for you but me. How can there be, if we love each other like this?"

She leans in to kiss him, but finds nothing there.

"Katniss, sweetheart, please wake up. Did she suffocate in here? Move, please, just let me check her pulse."

"Mother, I'm okay." Katniss says, slowly opening her eyes. She's beyond angry. It was just a dream. Peeta wasn't actually okay.

"What are you doing here? We've been looking for you for hours." Beside her mother stood Haymitch and Beetee, who must have shown up at the hospital after Katniss had gone into hiding. She climbed out of the hamper and gave Beetee a hug.

"Thank you for coming." She says, as she pulls away. She turns to her mother. "Where's Peeta?"

"In his room. You can go see him if you'd like." Her mother's words are cautious, as if there's something she's not telling Katniss. But at the news that Peeta could now have visitors, she didn't care enough to try to force more out of her mother. She bolted for his room, knocking furiously on the door until a nurse came to get it. The nurse frowned.

"Look, he needs his rest, and frankly, I'm not sure that you're any good for his heart." She says matter-of-factly.

"Well frankly, I'm marrying that man so you better step aside." She pushes past the nurse into the room to see Peeta sitting up in bed, his eyes closed. Unlike in her dream, he was in a hospital gown, with tons of tubes and wires and coming out of him. He was not bright and cheery, and full of life like he'd been just moments ago. But that had not been him. That had been her hopeful imagination.

Mercifully, the nurse left them alone.

She walks over, and sits slowly on the edge of his bed, taking one of his hands in both of her own. It's smooth, overall, but Katniss can find the burns that are permanently a part of his skin after years of living as a baker's son. She traces the lines of his hand slowly, committing it all to memory. She loved his hands. She loved every part of him.

"Don't beat yourself up about it. It's your birthday, after all." He can barely get the words out, but Katniss hears them clearly enough.

"Oh, Peeta." She exhales a huge sigh of relief. "I'm so sorry."

"I feel like all you ever do these days is apologize to me. Can you do me a favor?" He asks. His eyes aren't open anymore, but his fingers loosely intertwine with hers.

"Anything. I'll do anything." She means it.

"Just be happy, okay? Why is that so hard for you to do? Just be happy." She could tell he was about ready to go to sleep.

"Peeta?"

"Hmm?"

"What if I don't know how to do that anymore? Every time I think that I can, something reminds me that too much has happened. I don't think I can anymore." It's the first time she's said these words aloud to anyone.

"I know you can, Katniss. You can with me."

She watches him fall asleep, mulling over his words. He knew she could do it. So she would. For Peeta, and for herself.

* * *

She thinks about the rest of her life and feels okay. There's no panic, no hysteria, no black abyss of nothing. That's what she thought her future would be during the war. But now, she thinks about the future and it's okay.

"I'm okay." She says quietly, not even realizing that she'd spoken out loud.

"Well, that's great, but what about helping the cripple over here?" His voice shakes her out of her stupor. Peeta is leaning against crutches in the doorway to her house. He's smiling brightly at her. "I'm still not sure how to use them properly."

It's a sunny day in District 12 and the sunshine is hitting Peeta's golden head just right. For the first time in months, Katniss feels a familiar fluttering in her stomach. She gets up to help him hobble over to the couch.

"How's your first day out of the hospital treating you?" She asks politely.

He shrugs, cocking his head slightly to one side. "The weather's nice. But it wasn't that great until I came over." He moves closer to Katniss, who had been keeping a safe distance between the two of them on the couch. His words are sweet, but she can't let herself hope. They were not together anymore. It hurt for her to know that, but she accepted the painful truth months ago. It had been four months since Peeta was taken into emergency care at the hospital, and he'd just been released the previous morning. Everything had mostly healed, but it still hurt for him to have pressure on his bad leg, hence the crutches. Katniss hated that they only made him seem even more frustratingly endearing, if that were even possible.

"Well, I'm happy to see you home." She says, trying to ignore their now closer proximity. She looks down at her lap, not sure what else to say.

"Katniss?"

"Mmm?"

"Can I kiss you?"

Her head snaps up, eyes wide. He cannot be serious. But yet, there he is, leaning in closer. His eyes are laughing at her, not mockingly, but he's clearly amused by her expression of shock.

"What?"

"It's a simple question Katniss. I guess I can kiss you. So I should really ask, 'may I?', shouldn't I? So, may I kiss you?" He sounds genuine, and she can hear the smile in his voice, as if the huge one on his face weren't enough.

"Why?"

"Because I want to." He sighs, shaking his head. "Katniss, you came to see me in that hospital everyday for four months. I know you love me. And you know that I love you."

Now it's her turn to shake her head. "You still love me, even after everything?" Of course he does. She can't say she's surprised because he's Peeta, and he's compassionate and wonderful and he loves her without limits.

"Yeah, I do. Since day one." He reaches over and places his hands on the side of her face. "May I?"

She nods her head and for the first time in over six months, Katniss Everdeen kisses Peeta Mellark. It only lasts a few seconds, but it is the sweetest kiss of her life.

"You've always felt right." She whispers when he starts to pull away. Blue eyes meet grey.

"Right back at you."


End file.
